Get the hell out of my way already!

Relationships.  Dieting.  Health.  Healing.  Life.  Living.  Hope.  Freedom.   Self.  Respect.  All the connections exist to either lift us or knock us down in our efforts to better ourselves.  With regards to dieting and weight loss there is nothing more damaging than being around, or living with, someone who doesn't have your best efforts in mind.  Most of you have experienced this, and those of you who have know just how much long-term damage comes into play when someone sets out to sabotage your efforts.  Despite all the asking, begging, pleading and demanding... that person, or persons... simply cannot see what they're doing, even when you point it out to them repeatedly.  So what the hell to do?

I've been here before but was able to rise above it all in the long run.  Thing is, when this happened I didn't LIVE with the person.  Now I do, and I'm here to say that it not just changes how you see a person who works to do harm to your health, it changes the way you react to them; I've also been there before too.

There are several ways people sabotage your weight loss efforts.  Here's just a few:

Repeatedly offering foods/desserts you can't have on your diet.
Telling you "One bite isn't going to hurt you."
Feigning hurt feelings when they bring food to you and you refuse to eat it.
Keeping foods that aren't on your diet in the fridge or cupboards.
Baking/cooking things you can't have.

The above list is merely a drop in the bucket, but it's the list most people who've experienced this kind of sabotage.. would recognize.  But there's also a list that people may not recognize right away, and that one is the most insidious, and the most damaging of all.  People who do these things REALLY do NOT have your best interest in mind and, in many cases, the efforts they make ARE malicious.  If you're with a malignant narcissist then you've experienced this for sure, even if you weren't on a weight loss program.  KNOW what you're dealing with, because bettering your health is IMPORTANT, and no one, NO ONE has a right to get in your way.

The most insidious and dangerous of actions:

1.  Insisting you eat unhealthy foods, or not saying anything when you make the choice to eat something not very healthy, but making fun of you or lecturing you for making that choice.
2.  Making fun of HOW you eat.
3.  Making fun of or criticizing your body WHILE you're eating.
4.  Lecturing about how you look in your clothes or out of them.
5.  Lecturing you at the store for what you buy.
6.  Bringing 'forbidden' foods to your house when they visit (if they don't live with you) and scolding/criticizing you when you eat what they brought.  Same goes for when you're at their house.
7.  Trying to control when, what, how, what time you eat.

The above list isn't all possibilities, but they are the most common according to professionals, authors, and those who've have these experiences.  And I'm not talking about one or two people, but upwards of hundreds of thousands of people who've had this happen.  And many experts say.. it's in the MILLIONS.  All I know is that MY experiences with this have been with just two people, and I'm here to tell you that if you don't put your foot down and demand respect... those people will walk all over you.  Not only will those people walk all over you but they won't stop and will get worse the more weight you lose.  Basically, they don't want you to succeed.

You're weight loss efforts are about YOU.  And yes, you can say you're doing it for the kids or your wife/husband or your job or whatever, but what it comes down to is YOUR HEALTH.  You and your health are the biggest and most powerful reasons for losing weight etc.  I'm no expert and only talk about MY opinion and experiences, what I've been told by a professional.  So I can't TELL anyone what to do or what your personal truth is.  Only you know what's best for you, so listen to your instincts, your gut.

As for me, I'm very protective about my health, and I'm not okay with people treating me like shit, with disrespect, without kindness or compassion.  If someone wants to treat me like that.. they can hit the dusty cow pie trail and get the hell out of my life.  My last experience with that type of person STILL has negative effects on me, and I have HAD IT.

Now, it's particularly difficult to diet during the holidays, which is why most people start their diet at the first of the year.  I'm no exception.  I've managed to slip through the holidays unscathed for the most part, but the closer to Christmas it gets, the harder this becomes.  For me, it's not just about the goodies and such, it's also the depression that comes with the holidays.  It is what it is.  So be it.

Bottom line is if you go on a weight loss plan---stand up for yourself if someone tries to sabotage your efforts.  If you choose to wait to go on a weight loss plan at a later date because of a holiday or other event---Don't allow anyone to BULLY you about it!  It is YOUR choice, NOT theirs.  Please don't ever forget that, because if you do choose to put your diet off for a later date and you allow yourself to be bullied about it.. you may not get back on that diet journey for quite some time.  I'm not kidding about this.

Yes, everyone is different, but I know for a fact a few of you (and you know who you are) have dealt with this or are dealing with it right now.  And... it's NOT okay.

Be strong, no matter what you choose, and watch for those signs of those who don't have your best interests at heart.

Till next time....

The Stress Diet.

While highly effective, I wouldn't recommend this diet to anyone.  However, this whole stress/anxiety thing just seems to be an integral part of my daily life now, thanks to T, and I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

Depression isn't a good place to be (duh), and while the lack of appetite side effect SEEMS like a great idea at first, the too-deep calorie deficit WILL catch up to you and wreck your metabolism, especially if you're exercising at all.  No matter that I know how unhealthy this is, I don't know what to do about it.

'Oh, just don't be stressed or anxious!'

Well, that sentiment is pretty sound, but it's certainly not realistic.  Believing you can just turn on/off stress or anxiety is like believing you can turn on/off bad eating habits simply by saying you're going to avoid bad food and overeating.  Damn, but that would be awesome, wouldn't it?  In real life, on planet earth, we don't always get to pick and choose exactly what emotions we can have or discard.  I'm certainly not able to do that, and... I know it's not a healthy choice to even think that you can.

Just my opinion, mind you.  But if you think you can do that then more power to you.  And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

During the past month I've not been able to eat my daily allotment of Points (I'm doing old school Weight Watchers).  Every day I set out to follow the plan to the letter, but the past month I've not been able to eat all the points that I'm supposed to have, even WITH the extra 35 weekly points.  Have I lost a little faster doing this?  Yes and no.  At first I wasn't losing at all, then all of a sudden I'm dropping weight.  On one hand "YAY" and on the other hand.. I'm tired/fatigued as hell.  And my appetite is now heading upwards, with the exception of today (must've been force-fed too much hateful BS from T to leave any room for a meal).

There's a part of me that knows all too well how this will backfire if I don't get a handle on it soon, and oddly enough... my damn morning/fasting blood sugar was 124 this morning.  If I were a full-blown diabetic I'd be rejoicing that number.  But, I'm not a diabetic.  In fact, I'm PRE-diabetic, and those numbers are not a good sign.  They've crept up, those numbers, over the past few weeks, which is hella fast for blood sugar changes.  And there's no rhyme or reason as the amount of carbs etc I eat from one day to the next don't correlate in any pattern that tells me it's what I'm eating.

Fasting blood sugar shows how well the liver is working to take care of things.  Taking blood sugar readings before and after meals show how your body handles food.  As a pre-diabetic the morning fasting levels are elevated, but 2 hour post-meal levels go back to normal when they should.  Again, there are two different mechanisms at work when looking at WHEN blood sugar levels are taken.

Well, anyway... life is in upheaval, and I'm being bashed about by the storm that rages.

But hey, I'm sticking to my diet, so there's that.

Damn I'm sick of things being like this.

Nothing Tastes Good.

It's been a long road, this whole health thing.  I've yet to commit to a 'diet' to lose the prednisone weight, because choosing the right way is critical due to liver issues and other issues.  One diet may help one thing, while yet another may hurt something else.  It's a struggle, and one that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Shakeology is still my goal once I get a few GI issues under control, and sadly... I'm now lactose intolerant so have that to contend with.  Overall I understand where I am, where I'm heading, and where I need to be if I want to be healthy again.  Now, the cooperation I'm getting from T... or actually the lack thereof is yet another battle on top of the others.  What a freaking mess.

But nothing tastes good.  I've yet to find out what's up with that, but truly... nothing tastes good.  My appetite isn't in my 'stomach' anymore but in my whole body.  The only way I know I'm 'hungry' is when my body hurts and I'm dizzy, etc.  I really need answers to all of this to know where to begin.  If I were to just dive into 'dieting' I could do more harm than good.

On a higher note---I, for some reason, lost 19 pounds without trying.  Well.  I'll take it!  Still, getting to the bottom of things is key for me to make the commitment to eating a particular way in order to lose weight.  That's very important when it comes to the autoimmune hepatitis I deal with (in remission at this time, so that's good).  Losing weight too quickly also is very hard on the liver, so there's that.

My goal is to see my endocrinologist next Thursday for a follow-up after labs and see where I stand and what I do next.  Once I get the green flag I'll commit and hit the ground running---metaphorically speaking, of course.  I also need shoulder surgery for the torn rotator cuff that's making my life a living hell at the moment.  My Endo will also advise me on that based on labs so that I can have the surgery without a dangerous adrenal crash during surgery.  Once the shoulder is healed post-op then I can focus on exercise.  And trust me, most movement causes horrific pain, so I can't do much of anything at all at the moment.

Last but not least.... T needs to get out of my way and allow me to HEAL.  I've addressed this in my other blogs, but suffice it to say... he's not an ally in this journey.

Till next time....

Finally.

I

t's not over yet.  The prednisone hell continues in SO many ways, but at least the expression of itself that comes via a voracious appetite is beginning to subside.  Finally.  Nothing is perfect, of course, and it does take some time to completely subside and return to normalcy, and I am holding on... holding on... and holding on.

I spent a bit more time in my other blogs, so I don't have much to spare here.  I just wanted to check in for those wanting more information on this whole prednisone tapering and withdrawal business.

....that's all I have.

The Death of a Diet.

Completely convinced that I'm turning into a human sponge, today marks the first of my accepting the fact that any hopes of dieting off this prednisone weight gain and swelling is just not going to happen until I'm off the stuff.  It's become majorly apparent that I'm sensitive to it (as I am to all medications) and that I'm going to be living in the throes of prednisone hell for some time to come.  But can I handle it?

I have a new appointment to see my liver specialist tomorrow.  I had to make a call to the after hours line due to some pretty serious swelling in my face that has gotten too close to my eyes.  Not sure what it is, but I know it's alarming and NOT in the least comfortable.  Could be from being ON prednisone, could be from coming off prednisone (possibly coming off too fast), or it could be from another medication or from a new problem that's rearing its ugly head.  I've NO idea as the variables involved are came on board about the same time.

How does this affect dieting, weight loss, etc?  Well the answer is right there in my statement; prednisone.  It's a monster that's going to win every fight, as it's actually designed to do.

What the above means is basically I have to practice acceptance and patience and allow myself to not stress about what's happening, because the reality is: it's a battle that can only be won by surrendering.

Really?

Shakeology is an awesome product, and it tastes really really good.  It replaces a meal, or two if you can spend that much money per month (I replace ONE).  Sounds easy, and it used to be.  But what I have to deal with NOW is that the weakness I have, the weird and excruciating lower back pain (despite the prednisone, no less) actually prevents me from being able to stand and MAKE that shake!  Is this the Myositis part of my current life experience?  Is it something else?  I mean, really?

I have to wonder where this is all leading.

So what's the solution to this?  I've NO idea.  Having to lean my elbows on the counter JUST to be able to stand there at all doesn't exactly allow for making that shake every morning or afternoon.  WTH?  *sigh*

The rest of my diet has changed dramatically due to this as well, and since I can't even stand long enough to make a sandwich.  The unhealthy alternatives, you know... the ones that you can quickly nuke without any preparation, well that's become my way of eating.  Trust me, this is not a good way of eating if you're goals are good/improved health.

I've considered replacing dinner with a shake so T can at least help.  I'm not sure how that will work, but it may be the only solution to the problem at this time.

This weakness stuff is ridiculous....

*ugh*

OMG Prednisone! STOP IT!

So, as you guys know I began using Shakeology again.  Which is a VERY good thing, btw.  However, what's NOT so good is that this dang prednisone hell I'm in makes me hungry, VERY hungry like 24/7.  *sigh*  I know I'm still doing something great for my body by having that nutritious shake for breakfast each day, but how the hell am I supposed to thwart the PredMonster with a shake?  Ugh.  I'm not going to win that battle, as others who've had to use this stuff long-term can attest.  But dang it!  I'm GOING to have to do something.

My doctor said, "It will make you gain weight.  It's going to.  Which is why we're going to get you off this stuff soon."  Well, yeah.. I certainly hope so!  I mean, even after coming off prednisone, which takes a while, the effects can last up to TWO YEARS.  It's only been about a year and a half since the last round of Pred, and I was struggling like crazy to get even a few pounds off without resorting to extreme remedies such as a long juice-fast.  Seriously, my body can't take another fast, because it's not great for your liver if you have liver issues already.

T... well meaning most of the time but indifferent as hell.  That indifference means he doesn't pay attention to anything I talk to him about, tell him, warn him about, nor does he remember most of what I tell him I need to do and not do with regards to eating.  It all just falls to the wayside the second he sees and seizes an opportunity for a quick meal.  I can't do quick meals anymore.  I can't do the salt, sugar, fat, and heavily processed carbs.  I can't.  While on this medication (prednisone) I have to steer clear of things that are going to wreck my health.

One of the risks with long-term prednisone is hypertension, and another lovely one is type II diabetes brought about by the drug itself.  Hypertension and diabetes.  Salt and sugar.  So what does T do?  He decides it's just easier if HE goes to the grocery store and gets whatever, because it's on his way home etc.  And what does he bring home?...?...

PopTarts.
Pastries.
Chips.
Dip.
Frozen/pre-packaged meals in a box or bag.
Ice-cream.
Cherry pastries.
....etc.

And the above was in ONE trip!  Just yesterday.  *sigh*

When your hunger is kicked into high gear ALL OF THE TIME, and you have all that junk sitting around, it's nearly impossible to not snack all day.  And pred, oddly, can dull your taste buds so that healthy, nutritious food fails miserably in the flavor dept.  I mean, dull, bland, and about as tasty as wet cardboard.  Not that I know what wet cardboard tastes like, mind you, but I would imagine it would be about like what I taste when I eat steamed veggies.

Shakeology is an investment in one's health, and it's not a cheap investment either.  So how in the hell am I to get anywhere near healthy if I have a Shakeology shake for breakfast, only to follow it up with a cherry pastry about an hour later?

I've sent food with T to work over this very thing.  When he brings junk food home I usually tell him to take it to his work and leave it there, eat it, or share it with coworkers.  I just need it OUT OF THE HOUSE and away from temptation.

Is that so much to ask?

My next move is to begin research on a home exercise bike, one of high quality.  Exercise tends to make a person WANT to eat better, make better choices.  Maybe, just maybe this will do the trick.  As for stopping T from bringing home junk food, well, I've no idea how to stop that just yet.

God help me...

Reminder: My other blogs

A couple of you have sent me messages on FaceBook regarding a few issues I promised to talk about or update about.  I have.  You may have just missed where I spoke about them.  This was the problem I mentioned previously about keeping all 3 of my blogs.  But you guys begged me to keep them all, so I did. :)

So as a reminder, and to either clear up confusion or create more, here are the links to my other blogs.  You can always find them in the menu section (side bar) under Alter Ego.  Also, in case you've forgotten, mostly the separate blogs are for focus, so that all topics don't all end up getting blended together in one place.

Hope this helps...

Where Fireflies Dream

http://gothicwell.blogspot.com

All Things Ephemeral

http://autumnwhisperstome.blogspot.com

Boo’s Juicy Bits

http://boosjuicybits.blogspot.com

Each blog is designed for a specific purpose and focus, true, but all of them overlap in many ways.  I may end up burning myself out posting on one, and may not get a chance to post an entry on the others the same day, or at the same time.  There will be times, in other words, where it may appear as if I've not made an entry...when I actually have but on a different blog.

A brief explanation of the blogs may help a little bit.  Just remember that even if a topic/blog may not interest you, I may have spilled everything there and not posted elsewhere.

Where Fireflies Dream was intended to be a place for dreams, wishes, hopes, plans, goals, etc.  But it's evolved over time into something bigger than that.  That's about all I can do to explain this blog.  There are days when the focus is implied, and days when I'm speaking in contrast to what the focus actually is.

All Things Ephemeral is the original blog, the one I built and posted on about anything and everything you could possibly imagine.  I used to give quite a bit of details, which often meant deleting entries after a time that said too much.  Hence the name "All Things Ephemeral."  Now, I've not recently unloaded in detail there, so most of the entries remain intact.

NOTE:  It must be said that when I do post in great detail there the post may not remain for long.  So if you make it a habit of reading posts in this blog you probably won't miss anything.  If you wait too long.. the entry may be deleted.

Boo's Juicy Bits:  Now this blog is mainly about health and diet in the context of flirtatious fun.  With health issues wreaking havoc, however, it's changed the entries for the most part.  But as things change and I get on top of things... it will return to its original and flirty content.  I'm not about faking things to entertain, so you guys will know pretty much where I am by what you read there.

Again, ALL of these blogs intersect in some way.  They all have a purpose, to which I've tried to keep true on, but they still cross over one another in ways.

Okay.  Enough of this.  Again, you can find the links to the Alter Ego blogs in the bar to the side of each blog.

Well... this liquid diet is kicking my ass today, so I'm off here for now.

*waves*

Midnight, Music, Musings Part 3

As late as it is you would think I would be sleepy. I don't sleep well at all, but then...I am a human receptacle for stress and anxiety. And I can't seem to convince my other half that he can't use me as a dumping ground or we won't last long. Yeah. So there's that. The truth is often quite difficult to speak aloud. But when you have to protect your health you have to speak up. So I have.

So here I am. Awake. Anxious. But that's life. Listening to music and pondering my strategy on rebuilding my health..and my life.  Well, and least the low-carbing is going steady and strong.

Note: Fat Bombs work!  Easy on the fried stuff. Don't over-do dairy or protein, do 2-3 fat bombs a day. Working for me.

My other blogs --alter egos.

In case you guys didn't know--I am making a better effort to post more relevant content on my other blogs.  Meaning, on Boo's Juicy Bits... that's more in-tune with what it was created for--health, weight loss, anything relevant to health, and.. it may or may not get racy at times (just as a heads-up).  All Things Ephemeral.. can be more reflective, or maybe a literal 'alter ego' to this blog.  Either way, I've been lazy in the past because it was made known to me that no one wanted me to delete any of my blogs (3).  So, I was making it easy on myself by just mostly copying and pasting from one to the other.

No more.

I'm stepping up and making a decision to try and keep things separate as possible.  So if you read just one, you may miss out on something else.  Unless I happen to mention it in another...

Can't say for sure how it will all go.  But I do find that once I've gotten one feeling or topic or what-have-you out of my system... I often don't feel like talking about it again somewhere else.  Just saying.  So... keep that in mind if you want to know everything that's going through mine. ;p

Now, THIS post WILL be posted on all three blogs.

Now... If you look in the sidebar.. you will find the links to my alter-egos should you dare to read.  As my sleep improves... there is honestly no telling what I may talk about.  Keep your curiosity in check,  or not. lol  Read at your own risk. ;)

*smooches*

The disingenuous scale

Well, as far as 'weight' goes, the scale does this ridiculous up and down thing, hovering on digital insanity.  Appearances can be deceiving, so I'm not worrying about it, but it is really is nice when you can SEE and measure progress in numbers when it comes to this whole fat loss thing.  Damn scale, how I loathe thee.

But then, my appetite still hovers in the deep abyss that even I can't reach or understand.  Although, I have experienced a slight twinge of hunger a couple of times lately.  Maybe that's a small start of something more 'normal' in terms of...well, of whatever.

Yesterday was a total bust though, as I wasn't able to take in more than about 700 calories.  Yeah.  I know.  Dangerously low.  But many days I fight to get in 1300 to 1500 on average, and I have to get that in at one meal.  Low carbing means I can load up on the healthy fats and raise the calories enough to sustain life.  ha ha.  That really was supposed to be humorous.  But without a good appetite, getting enough to eat is a struggle, and it is as hard to lose fat NOT eating enough as it is when you're eating too much.

The good news is that I'm finally OFF the protonix!  THANK GOD!  Took popping carafate and going through discomfort, but I'm off.  I'm on another class of OTC medication for reflux as a bridge until things settle, then I can wean myself off of that.  But so far so good!  And one of the side effects, or lack thereof, of getting off of the PPI is that I can sleep better again!  I knew getting off that crap would be a good move.  :D

Well, I have about 21% power left to do some research for the rest of the master bath restoration.  And I mean, this is a full-on restoration.  The whole bathroom is being gutted and replaced.  :)  So I'm off to do that....

Laters!

Still here. Sort of. Feeling adventurously unhinged.

It will take me a few to catch up...  Really not the easiest time for me to talk about everything right now.  Lots going on in life and inside my head.

Not entirely sure where I'm focusing my energies, and that can make it a little confusing here if I talk about it too much.  Or at all....

But when I do... there will plenty to say....

Hang in there.

I am.

Trying.

Sort of.

And damn these dreams.  Wicked cool.  And interesting.  Makes me feel adventurous...and maybe not in the most conservative way.

Weight loss, good. Thriving, not so good.

Low-Carbing seems to really be hitting the sweet spot as far as weight loss, and there is still much to be done as far as tweaking things a bit so that my energy level rises enough to feel more like a human being.  I can live with that for now.  But I'm thinking it's all the other debris that I need to clear away that will fuel the fire of vitality.  Not sure how to do that just yet, but I'm working on it.

I mean, finding answers to complex issues isn't always the easiest thing in the world, but I can keep at it till I drop, that's for sure.  IF I don't have constant interruptions making things even more difficult than they are.  THAT is another talk show (DAMN but I need breathing room!).  Even so, I can't just rollover and give up, so it just may mean breaking out the big guns to keep on going.  Fine.

There are so many things I miss about having my own space, and that will be somewhat rectified soon, but I'm making a list of things that have to be dealt with, things that MUST be dealt with in order for me to thrive, live.  LIVE.  This has to be done.  PERIOD.  There is no more putting this off.

List of things that have to be rectified.  A list of goals.  Let's just say... there are going to be a few lists.

I've pulled the cord, gotten off the train, and I'm standing on my own two feet, even if I'm working on my energy level.

It's done-deal.

Done.

That's an awful long track with a lot of possibilities....

And when the magic happens anyway.....

Well, I've found my sweet spot and have lost about 5 lbs in 5 days!

After about a week of not really understanding how the NEW Atkins WOE worked (due to contradictions, thank you very much), I decided to go with what Dr. Atkins had originally designed...and it's working.   Goes to show you... if it aint broke, don't fix it... is still the best course of action.

(stop staring at the woman with the cat already!)

As for anything else I can note today:  On the down-side.. I've been waking up a couple of hours after sleeping and not getting back to sleep for an hour or two or more.. ugh.  Not sure what that's about, except that I'm suspecting it's stress-related.  Oooooh, but I'm sure it's that!

Energy, despite the lack of decent sleep, is on the rise a bit.  Improvement is definitely something to celebrate, right?  Right!  So I will continue with this WOE and keep plugging along.  So far I'm pretty happy with the result.  It's early, so there will be much to tell as the days pass.

At this point I'm not sure what plans I have as far as how long I'll remain on Induction, but we'll see.  I'm just happy with what's going on right now.

Yay!

Now...if I could just get the rest of my life to sort itself out, that would be awesome. ;p

Slow but sure in this low-carb world

Plugging along and thinking that I could have done better without all of the conflicting information!  Thanks, whoever decided to change the way Dr. Atkins was doing things!  If it aint broke, don't fix it!  Hey, some cliches are still worth reciting and remembering!

For starters, I wasted money on the new edition of the Atkins book.  No joke.  Too much changed, and conflicts out that wazoo!!!  I mean, seriously??!!???  What in "High fat, low calorie" makes sense on ANY planet???

You should have seen me struggle to make THAT work.  No.  Really.  You shouldn't have.  8  days was enough.  Sheesh.  After coming to my senses I ordered the 2002 book and will use that from now on.  Hindsight and all that junk.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I'm winging it and trying to adjust a few things to make it work.  Not easy, but not that difficult either.  Just takes a little perseverance on my part, and a whole lot of asking questions from the group I belong to.  One must never underestimate the power of such resources, trust me.

Feeling crappy overall, but after being stupid and using salt the way I did... hopefully I'll feel a little better over the next couple of days.  Heart isn't behaving as erratic since I've backed off the salt and upped the water, so that's good.  And I think I need to start taking my Vit-D again (5,000 mcg daily).  I tend to get deficient easily, so that could be one reason I'm feeling low.  Also ordered multi-vitamins that are sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy-free... basically crap-free.  Those will be here soon.

Begun using more of the pure virgin coconut oil in place of the olive oil, backed down my protein servings by 2 oz each and upped the fat/oils a bit.

So with all this said and done, we will see how things progress from here.

I'm tired and am way late for lunch.

Laters non-taters! lol ;p

Such erratic behavior!!!

Nothing to worry about.  Just uncomfortable.  VERY uncomfortable.  And I'm hoping it will be also short-lived, though I supposed there is a better way to word that given what the issue is.  The feeling of my heart speeding up out of nowhere and staying elevated.  The erratic beats and resulting anxiety, that isn't emotional but physical in nature, and it waking me up, and keeping me up at night.  The weird pressure in my throat...  all I could very well do without.  It's what's kept me absent from here for a few days (for the most part).

It's the salt, I think.  Having given it up for the most part, except for the occasional smidge added here  and there in a salad or something prior to this (except during juicing), I've maintained a low-sodium diet.  But.. I fell off the rails on that over the past couple of weeks, and REALLY derailed completely over the past week.  Yeah.  Not one of my brighter moves.

Still hurts, though.  Not bad.  Just so uncomfortable.  At least it's not lasting, these episodes.  They come and go.  Not terribly persistent, except they've been happening now for a couple of days.  I'm worn out.  Thought I was done with this brand of fatigue.  Body feels heavy, a little dizzy, arms aching... that sort of thing.  I'll get through it.

The above image was at one point today.. 137 bpm.  Ugh.   Haven't seen that in a while, and certainly not much since my ablations (for AFib, Atrial Flutter, and SVT.. for those who don't know).  And not at all in a few months.  But again, these are thankfully short-lived as far as duration.  Now if they would just stop.  That would be nice.

A cough.  A lump in the throat..that feeling like there's something stuck in your esophagus or just at the back of your throat, maybe a lump in the upper part of your chest... just a few of the fun things that go along with arrhythmia(s).  Not 'everyone' gets these, but they are super common.

The pic to the left...this was my heart, I guess, trying to get itself back into NSR.  Slowly but surely.  Down to 101 at this point.  Still looking erratic.

These episodes make me cough, too... which I don't like.  Not long coughing fits mind, you.  It's usually when my heart converts there's just enough pressure to make me cough like once.

This definitely puts a damper on things, I have to admit.

I'm using this time to drink more water and use a lot less salt and just take it easy.  Our house closing is this week and we have a bit to do in and around that--need to get a couple of estimates on getting the deck refinished, the floor of the sunroom included, most of the rooms painted, and possibly the carpet removed from the hallway and master bedroom removed and replaced with wood flooring.  Nothing wrong with the carpet, we just don't LIKE carpet.  We'll leave the other two bedrooms and the formal dining area carpeted for now.  The breakfast nook and kitchen have ceramic tile, and the living room has wood flooring so those are good.  And there are a couple of other things. Then there's the new bedroom set to be delivered in about 5 weeks.  But packing and such... oh boy.  I really need my strength to deal with that.

The pic at the left is when it came back into NSR (normal sinus rhythm), and boy was I glad.  Thing is, after these episodes... I still feel spent and achy.  Even the short bursts take so much out of me.

So anyone who prays, say a little prayer for me that this resolves soon. :)    It will.  I just want it resolved NOW... because it sucks.

Anyone reading who has an arrhythmia, or anyone who's had an ablation... please go easy on the salt if you're not already!  I'm pretty sure this is my issue.  "Could" be my MVP is getting worse, sure, but.. I think it's the salt.

It's worth it to cut back.  Salt makes things taste good, but really... not THAT good! lol

Be well everyone.  I'll post more 'interesting' things soon.... ;p

It's been a rough few days

Atkins.  Day 3.  Okay.  Easy.  No cravings.  Going through carb withdrawal is fairly east as well because I wasn't eating much in the way of starchy carbs or sweets (only once or twice in the past month really).  Smooth sailing so far.

I'm going to give it a few days and see what happens with the carb withdrawal symptoms.  Not giving up or anything like that, mind you.  It's different than the way I'm used to eating, and it's also very weird for me as well.  Just a wait and see situation for the most part.

Life is weird as well.  Weird.  Weird.  Weird.  Most days I feel like I've woken up and found myself on another planet and have NO idea why the hell I'm here.  That's another talk show.

And those damn dreams.  STILL freaking weird.  WTH is up with that?

Odd.

MacroWHAT? Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

Just a quick check-in as I've an appointment to get to.  But the bottom line is this, really:  Macrocytic Anemia (aka megaloblastic anemia, depending on what doctor you're speaking with).  Translation... "It sucks a$$."

Long story short as possible.. a couple of years ago I was in a situation where I was forced to go on the proverbial 'Ramen Noodle diet."  Needless (Noodless?) to say, it really didn't end well.  All guesswork on the doctor's part is that I ended up with Macrocytic Anemia.  Basically, this is not like iron deficiency anemia where your blood cells get very small and larger in numbers.  This is where your blood cells become very LARGE and fewer in numbers.  Most of the time it's due to a B12 deficiency, but not in all cases.  Many times it can be brought on by malnutrition... which they believed was my case.  I wasn't getting much in the way of anything other than, well, Ramen noodles.

Skipping all the symptoms etc. etc. etc. of the anemia part, since it's not the topic here... I will say that sublingual drops weren't doing that much good.  BUT, once I began eating a normal diet again the anemia began to slowly resolve itself.  Blood work I had several months ago showed signs of the blood cells enlarging, but the MCV (mean corpuscular volume) wasn't coinciding with that.. so the doctor wasn't worried.  There are actually 3 things that show Macrocytic Anemia.

Also, and unbeknownst to me.. I was also vitamin D deficient as well and remained so up until a few months ago.  I only barely came out of THAT one by taking 12,500 mcg of Vit D for 30 days (emulsified), then 5,000 mcg per day from thereafter.  I stopped the ongoing because I didn't like the idea of taking that much for so long, or.. forever.  Anyhoo.....

Now, going to an all plant-based diet does have it's complications, and you DO have to supplement.  It's not a 'perfect' eating plan for humans as much as most vegans would have you believe.  It's moral,  it's ethical, but... when it comes to vitamin D, B12, and even calcium... you have to supplement.  And if you have an issue, it may not be the best time to make the switch.

Weight loss.  There are many ways to do that, and since I'm doing gluten-free either way... I'm leaning towards Atkins... and choosing fish as my main protein.  My doctor will have a fit and tell me without red meat in my diet I'm going to get myself in trouble.  There is a lot I'm facing, especially since I really could take or leave meat and am not that big of a meat eater.  Even as a meat eater I would eat everything else first on my plate, saving the meat for last.  Well, except for salmon.

Morally... when it comes to animals... that's another story, and not the basis of the topic here in this blog.  I will only say I love animals, have my share of rescues, and am against unethical practices with regards to animals.  But that is all I will say on the matter here in this blog.  Again, this blog is about health, diet, weight loss, etc.  There are a ton of wonderful blogs out there for all the other topics regarding animals.

Time to run.  But I'll be back later on all the other stuff....

Oh. My. GOURD!! It costs HOW MUCH????!!!

Day 17 and it's the end.  Yes, the end.  But not completely the end.  But don't break out the tissues and start playing Taps just yet!  Let me explain what made me decide to change up the fabric of what I'm doing...

No worries about juicing itself, because everything was fine.  It's a great experience that I am continuing, but not 100% as a juice fast!  And there's a damn good reason for this choice.

Cost.  Plain and simple.

At the beginning of this journey the cost was estimated to be somewhere around $120/week, roughly.  In that estimate certain factors were considered such as what was in season, not in season, local purchases (which would make things less expensive), and buying organic (which means more expensive).  All T's were crossed and all I's were dotted.  But what we didn't consider were shortages, and for any such shortages to include one of the main staples of juicing---kale.

Well damn!

While doing a bit of research yesterday I discovered a few threads on folks who had given up their juice fasts due to cost.  And I found as many discussions on those who chose to suck it up and continue despite the cost.  While this whole cost thing concerned me I wasn't all THAT worried.  But then, T insisted on doing the shopping since he wanted to use his credit card that gave this awesome cash back incentive for shopping at grocery stores.  Okay.  I'm down with that.  And what this translates to is this....

I had NO idea what juicing was costing us until last night!

OH.  MY.  GOURD!

So, how bad could it be, you ask?  $180.00 to $200.00 per week!  YES!!  I know!!!  OMG!

I asked, "WHY didn't you tell me it was costing this much??!!!"  And T's reply was... "I didn't want you to worry, and I knew it was helping you."  *sigh*  Super sweet, yes?  Of course it is.  Still, we have a lot going on and really, a Reboot doesn't HAVE to last 30 days to receive great benefit from all the micronutrients you take in!

I said... "It's time to Transition out."  And so last night I had lentil & veggie soup (vegan, gluten free, organic), and began my transition back into solid foods, and I feel great about my decision.  :)

I had 17 awesome days where my body was flooded with pure, fresh vegetable and fruit juice, free from packaged food, fried food, sugar, gluten, and any other form of garbage that most of us humans put into our systems on a regular basis.

I sleep better than I have since I don't know when, my hair is growing faster, my nails as well, and my skin looks great!  And... I don't crave junk food or sweets!  And trust me, I used to LOOOOOVE sweets.  Not that I wouldn't eat desserts, mind you.  They're just not a temptation anymore.  Also, the allergies that have plagued me over the past two years are GONE!!!  I couldn't breathe before this cleanse, and now I can breathe normally!

And it took only 17 days.  Actually, it took less than that, but I continued my cleanse for 17 days.

What's next?  My next goal is to go vegetarian/vegan.  I didn't grow up this way, and I didn't have this environment ever in my life.  So it's not going to be a "cold turkey" situation (no pun intended).  At least I don't think so.  I still have weight to lose as the prednisone monster and subsequent effects will take some time to correct, but it's okay.  I've come this far and have lost 17 lbs during my Reboot.  :)  I'm good.

So this is really where the fun actually starts!  Phase two is where the works begins, and "the work" IS the fun part, because the journey is going to be fun...  because nothing's really changes, has it?  I mean, all we really want is to look good naked, so... having said that... let's get to work!

Day 14 - Wake Up, Kick Ass, Repeat

Day 14 -  I tried standing like that and I think I pulled something and scared my family.  And my dog.  But the good news is that I've lost 14 lbs so far and I'm one day away from my first 30 day goal!  30 days of juicing, and I'm half way there!  Yay!

Funny ad, but I have to say there's a little truth in it.  These days people are shallow, and unless your significant other truly loves you, he/she will hit the dusty cow pie trail and you'll be left in a fatigue-laden, dust-clouded aloneness.  But then, maybe that's for the best.  Either way, this goofy ad speaks about a "vegetable compound," so there IS a little truth in this advertising, after all.  They just didn't tell the whole truth.  Of course, they were just trying to sell something.

Juicing is still the best way to get an abundance of the good stuff into your body.  Plain and simply put.  And... you'll be peppy too, for yourself, your family, your LIFE!

Life.  My life.  That's really what it's all about anyway.  I have to wake up every day and face myself, who I am, where I am, no matter what, and tell myself that I am okay!  :)  Now, if you're like me you may know you're a bit on the 'not-so-normal side,' and that's even better!  ha!  So go with it. I do, and I plan to keep doing so.

I embrace my not-so-normalness!;p

So today I got out of bed and I told myself that I'm going to take it easier than I did the last few days.  I over extended myself a bit and now I'm paying the price.  But that's not a bad thing, because it just means that my energy is up and that my body is in a state of "WTF??!" lol

Now it's just about taking it a step back and easing into things a little bit at a time and deciding not to conquer the world in one day.  Dang it.  I was so hoping to do that in a day, too!

Another thing I need to remember is to stop being so impersonal about things when I'm making my entries here.  As I was typing I realized I was going down the road of disassociating myself, personally, from my entries (for the most part) and had to go back and change some wording, phrasing, etc.  Old habits, I guess, not wanting to expose myself too much.

Bad habits are meant to be broken, and I'm going to make that one my bitch.

So, what bad habit are you going to make your bitch today?

Noodles!