It's My Blogger, I Can Whine If I Want To, Whine If I Want To...

You would whine too if it happened to youuuuuu! No, not really.  But it made for an intro that invoked a smile, even if a small one, right?  My busy week has left me wondering, unsure, and stuck in a health loop that I'm not sure will end easily.  Wow.  Like THAT doesn't sound familiar.

Life being what it is we just need to get things off our chest or deal with the consequences of, well, holding it all in until we lose it.  Right?  Right.  I suppose many people have their own way of dealing with or working through things life tosses their way, but for me.. I have many outlets.  Blogging, however is the one remaining on my list that I can actually use at the moment.  So be it.

I already talked about the elevated ferritin, so I'll leave that one be for the moment.  I saw an Endocrinologist yesterday who believes I have (((( wait for it  )))) Adrenal Fatigue caused by (((wait for it again! )))... long-term use of Prednisone.  I knoooooooooow!  *Putting on my best shocked face*  Basically what this means is that the prednisone put my adrenals to sleep and I have absolutely nothing to help me with ANY kind of stress.  I've been stressed for YEARS; Chronic, nearly 24/7 unbelievable stress, both emotional AND physical.  Then, I have to do a 12 day Pred Pac last year, then 3 months THIS year.  The thinking is that, because I went into Cushings Syndrome, my adrenals shut down.  And this is what happens when you develop Cushings.

I have almost every single symptom, and my Endo doc recognized what it is.  It can't be confirmed without blood work, and I got that today.  And tomorrow, because of the Pred, because of the Cushings, because of the possible adrenal fatigue.. I have to have glucose testing to see if my pancreas is damaged and I'm edging, or IN, the throes of diabetes.  My serum glucose is not showing overt diabetes, but that doesn't tell the entire story.  Type II diabetes is one of the more common side effects.  Nifty, huh?  *sigh*

The other appointment I had today was with my bone doc.  Got the MRI results back, and as suspected, I have a torn rotator cuff.  Surgery, because my arm is UNBELIEVABLY painful when I move, is the only option for me.  Day surgery, they'll repair the tear, file bone spurs, and send me home with pain meds and a few restrictions for a while.  There are two problems with proceeding right away with surgery is the fact that I have been on Prednisone and it was 'long-term.'  The other problem is the possible adrenal fatigue.  You can't add additional stress to the body when it basically lacks any defense.  Suppressed adrenals are VERY bad news, and in this case it would mean my body couldn't handle the physical stress of surgery, even minor surgery.  Getting upset at someone will shut you down completely when your adrenals are "asleep."

I can't go into all the details about adrenal fatigue because, literally, it would take a research paper to explain what it is in detail as well as the processes involved.  It's progressive if it isn't addressed and quickly.  People can be heading down that road for years and not even know it, and if you're on that road already... prednisone will push you right over the edge.  And it will.. WRECK. YOUR. LIFE.

So where I am right now in this is simple: Wait for blood test results to see IF what I'm dealing with actually IS adrenal fatigue, and go from there.

Not much else I can do.

Guess I'm done for now... arms too tired to type much longer.

Oh... hope you like the song I left for you guys....

That Last Nerve

I've spent the better part of my morning researching ways to obtain the OLD weight watcher's materials.  Not THAT hard to find, mind you, but people apparently think their stuff is worth a fortune, with some asking as much as $124.00 for materials that came FREE with a $70 membership.  I guess they've caught wind that the NEW WW plan... rather sucks.  Okay, fine.  But seriously, gouging is really really tacky.  Yeah, I'm sitting here a little irritated that I HAD those materials and gave them away in 2013.  Hindsight... ugh.

Due to the prednisone I'm on (and trying to taper off of now) the best I can hope for by following a weight loss program is to avoid gaining too much weight.  That's not a typo.  Even if you diet and exercise like crazy on prednisone.. you'll still gain.  Yes, some people don't, and that's usually the younger folks who are taking prednisone on a shorter-term basis and have those fabulous younger metabolisms.  In my case, I'll be lucky to not gain while dieting.. because many people have.

Looking around on eBay and Amazon I was able to find a couple of kits that, while not complete, still have enough of what I need to get by.  Seriously, WW shouldn't have messed with something that was already about as perfect as it gets.  So why do they do this?

From what I read, WW likes now likes to come out with something 'new' and 'improved'... just about every new year.  Now, I have no issues with keeping in line with new research etc., but to simply change something that works just to lure more people in is, imho, a total disservice to customers who are relying on WW being that 'diet' and 'isn't a diet.'  As their new plan stands now... it's difficult, chaotic, and people are finding it extremely frustrating and difficult because it just doesn't fit into everyday life like it once did.  This means standing at a work or holiday function near the carrot and celery sticks while everyone else there feasts on the good stuff.  No really, it's true.

The old WW would have you eating what everyone else is eating, only in moderation and/or using your 'weekly' points.  Why on earth did they change this when they had to know it would be more difficult to fit WW into their lives realistically?  And the worst part is that some say they're simply not losing or losing well on this new plan.

Oh, and don't even get me started on their new web site!  I've never seen such a chaotic mess with missing plugins, missing buttons, and mincemeat navigation.  There's a lot of discussion in the forums regarding how frustrating site navigation is.  It looks like WW went for 'pretty' rather than 'functional,' and it's a shame because members are already frustrated as hell with the new plan.

I have to say that what started as a 'go get 'em, tiger!' attitude turned into my wanting to scream at the top of my lungs in frustration.  Okay, maybe the whole screaming thing was a bit of an exaggeration, but I can say with 100% certainty that WW has gotten on my last nerve.

Ugh.

Really?

Shakeology is an awesome product, and it tastes really really good.  It replaces a meal, or two if you can spend that much money per month (I replace ONE).  Sounds easy, and it used to be.  But what I have to deal with NOW is that the weakness I have, the weird and excruciating lower back pain (despite the prednisone, no less) actually prevents me from being able to stand and MAKE that shake!  Is this the Myositis part of my current life experience?  Is it something else?  I mean, really?

I have to wonder where this is all leading.

So what's the solution to this?  I've NO idea.  Having to lean my elbows on the counter JUST to be able to stand there at all doesn't exactly allow for making that shake every morning or afternoon.  WTH?  *sigh*

The rest of my diet has changed dramatically due to this as well, and since I can't even stand long enough to make a sandwich.  The unhealthy alternatives, you know... the ones that you can quickly nuke without any preparation, well that's become my way of eating.  Trust me, this is not a good way of eating if you're goals are good/improved health.

I've considered replacing dinner with a shake so T can at least help.  I'm not sure how that will work, but it may be the only solution to the problem at this time.

This weakness stuff is ridiculous....

*ugh*

Well THAT was an epic FAIL!

Look, you won't hear me say I'm perfect.  I'm not even willing to say I'm striving to be perfect.  Why on earth would ANYONE set such impossible goals for themselves?  Not me.  Not now.  Not ever.  The only thing I can promise myself, or anyone, is to do the very best I can.  Having said that, so far... I've kind of sucked at it.  Dammit.

If I mention prednisone, it's for a reason.  Anyone who's had to take high doses for any real length of time (more than a few days) understands PERFECTLY about what it will do to a body, even to someone's thinking and personality.  It's a steroid, so yeah, it can do those things, whack out your entire body.  Corticosteroid or not, it's STILL a steroid.  And this particular steroid is a complete BITCH.

Swelling is a huge and very common side effect.  It's also a concern in that it can raise BP to an alarming degree.  That same swelling (edema) can also make it hard to breathe or sit or stand or lay down comfortably.  And that is only ONE of the nasty side-effects.  The next biggie... APPETITE increase!

Now, as I've mentioned before, the mechanics of this are annoying and bewildering.  And puzzling!  On one hand your taste buds end up dulled, leaving foods that you once liked tasting like clay.  Nothing tastes good.  But your appetite is through the roof 24/7 and doesn't ever take a damn break.  Well, unless you get the nausea... but even then that gnawing hunger is still there, you're just now turned off by food and can't imagine WHY you want to eat when everything sounds down right disgusting.  What the hell?

Fine.  So most of us who end up in this place, the place where I find myself now, have tried so many things to make it so anything we eat won't be a hit against our health.  Thing is, there doesn't seem to be an easy answer on how to handle this where it actually works in keeping the water weight, or actual weight gain at bay.  Younger people, teens and 20s often have an easier time of this as their metabolisms are still pretty fired up.  And if you're suffering from the crushing fatigue that is one of the hallmarks of AI diseases, then you end up not being able to exercise, or only able to exercise so little that it hardly does any good.

Well, right now I realize I made mistakes in what I choose to snack on during the day.  The usual "Small meals, more frequently, to lose weight" idea DOES NOT WORK WHEN YOU'RE ON PREDNISONE!  Know this!  And if you're over 30... beware, because you're fixing to find out just how much slower your metabolism is from when you were in your 20s.  Is it guaranteed?.. this weight gain?  No.  Everyone is different.  But don't be shocked if you find yourself swelling up and retaining Lake Michigan.

I just keep keeping on and riding this thing out.  From all I read this can all be fixed once off prednisone, given that one's adrenals haven't completely shut down.  THAT... is another story altogether.

Sheesh.  I need to go lay down....

I'll settle for breathing today

I'm reaching for my sense of humor like a drowning person with an elusive life-raft floating JUST out of reach.  At least I'm trying, right?  God, but how will I handle taking Prednisone for one to two years?  Guess it will be what it will be and I'll keep on keeping on until I can't, or until I reach that goal.  Shhhhhpththt.  Yeah. Okay.

I'm not going to apologize for my reactions to this drug, but I do hope T gets his shit together and stops being such a pain in the ass.  I'm really not being mean when I say this, because his indifference, etc. has really made life very very hard... for both of us.  BOTH of us.  I can only do so much, take so many deep breaths, cry so much, and wish... just so much.

So many videos, so little time, so very little patience with blundering about trying like crazy to understand and deal with what's happening to me.  It's not ever going to be about my fighting to make others understand---they can, or can't, or will, or won't.  Not up to me.  Not my job.  This is the attitude I HAVE to have to make it through this and come out on the other side with some semblance of sanity left to me.

People need to realize that I don't have the energy or stamina to do research for them. If anyone asks, I tell them the gist of the disease and leave it at that.  Anything more and it just wears me out.  Can't do that.

Just saying.