Finally.

I

t's not over yet.  The prednisone hell continues in SO many ways, but at least the expression of itself that comes via a voracious appetite is beginning to subside.  Finally.  Nothing is perfect, of course, and it does take some time to completely subside and return to normalcy, and I am holding on... holding on... and holding on.

I spent a bit more time in my other blogs, so I don't have much to spare here.  I just wanted to check in for those wanting more information on this whole prednisone tapering and withdrawal business.

....that's all I have.

The Death of a Diet.

Completely convinced that I'm turning into a human sponge, today marks the first of my accepting the fact that any hopes of dieting off this prednisone weight gain and swelling is just not going to happen until I'm off the stuff.  It's become majorly apparent that I'm sensitive to it (as I am to all medications) and that I'm going to be living in the throes of prednisone hell for some time to come.  But can I handle it?

I have a new appointment to see my liver specialist tomorrow.  I had to make a call to the after hours line due to some pretty serious swelling in my face that has gotten too close to my eyes.  Not sure what it is, but I know it's alarming and NOT in the least comfortable.  Could be from being ON prednisone, could be from coming off prednisone (possibly coming off too fast), or it could be from another medication or from a new problem that's rearing its ugly head.  I've NO idea as the variables involved are came on board about the same time.

How does this affect dieting, weight loss, etc?  Well the answer is right there in my statement; prednisone.  It's a monster that's going to win every fight, as it's actually designed to do.

What the above means is basically I have to practice acceptance and patience and allow myself to not stress about what's happening, because the reality is: it's a battle that can only be won by surrendering.

If it's not one thing....

....It's another.  Such is life, right?  Enter, Prednison---and gone are the days when 'dieting' takes off the pounds and inches.  Now aint that some sh*t?  Most people have to diet while on Prednisone just to maintain weight or slow the gains.  And there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about the chubby face, etc.  Once Pred is stopped and the body resumes normal function of cortisol.. things will go back to normal.  In the meantime, I feel like freaking Violet!  Ugh!

The pic on the left is how I USUALLY look, but I can hardly recognize myself at the moment due to the chipmunk cheeks and overall massive bloating.  *sigh* I honestly feel like Violet... *sigh*

Will I get back to that same level of health?  I wish I knew.  The Prednisone bloat/weight will go away once I'm off the Pred, and I'm hoping everything will be back where it was prior.  Thing is, that photo of me was taken even while I was unknowingly in the throes of the AIH.  It's all in the eyes, too... I look tired.  But oh boy, right now my eyes are ridiculously swollen (like the rest of me), and my eyes are sunken with very dark circles.  For all practical purposes---I look like a sick person.

Will I ever look or feel well?  This is the burning question I have day to day, and as much as I set out to overcome the 24/7 hunger, eat ONLY the right things, I end up giving in at some point in the day.  It's relentless, but I can tell it's already getting better now that I'm down to 15mg/day of the Pred.

As I'm tapering, I'm wondering about how drastically my diet is going to change given the circumstances OUTSIDE the Autoimmune Hepatitis.  Low salt, low to no sugar, low fat, and possibly having to give up all the things that irritate the stomach and intestines, such as wheat, dairy (including eggs), and significantly reducing the amount of fruit I eat.  I've not been eating much fruit at all, though, which I do wonder about.  I love fruit but have lost my taste for it, and many other things, over the past several months.  Part of this, I think, is due to the medications altering my sense of taste, but I also believe that there's more to it as well.  Either way, I wonder what I'll be left with to eat once problematic foods are eliminated?

Low protein, low salt, low to no sugar, avoid processed foods when possible.  I just don't know, but it's not going to be easy to do this.

Leaning on the idea that exercise is supposed to be good for me, KNOWING this is the case for people, all the questions regarding the possibility of Myositis being one of the problems are still there and unanswered.  I've yet to get on that exercise bike because I know that if it is myositis and it's in an active stage, exercising is a bad idea because muscle wasting/damage occurs when the disease is active.  You just can't 'damage' muscles if they're already be damaged, because they won't repair.  Exercise creates muscle damage, and it's within the process of repair that they're made stronger.  This isn't the case with Myositis.  Neato, huh?  Yeah, not so much.

I'm tired of the IF situations.  Oh you've NO idea.  And feeling how weak my legs and arms are even ON Prednisone sets off the warning alarms inside, cautioning me to hold back until I have the go ahead from my doctor.  Looks like I'm going to have to see another rheumatologist as this is their territory.  I won't go back to "Dr. Mumbles."  Honestly, Dr. Mumbles really should retire.  When you disconnect from your patients and spend less than 5 minutes talking to them, when it's obvious you're pretty much going through the motions to the point where you miss significant findings.. it's time to retire.  It's just time to retire.

Well, it's that time of day again... when my energy begins to crash and my limbs become impossibly weak and tired.

I'm out of here.. for now.

That Last Nerve

I've spent the better part of my morning researching ways to obtain the OLD weight watcher's materials.  Not THAT hard to find, mind you, but people apparently think their stuff is worth a fortune, with some asking as much as $124.00 for materials that came FREE with a $70 membership.  I guess they've caught wind that the NEW WW plan... rather sucks.  Okay, fine.  But seriously, gouging is really really tacky.  Yeah, I'm sitting here a little irritated that I HAD those materials and gave them away in 2013.  Hindsight... ugh.

Due to the prednisone I'm on (and trying to taper off of now) the best I can hope for by following a weight loss program is to avoid gaining too much weight.  That's not a typo.  Even if you diet and exercise like crazy on prednisone.. you'll still gain.  Yes, some people don't, and that's usually the younger folks who are taking prednisone on a shorter-term basis and have those fabulous younger metabolisms.  In my case, I'll be lucky to not gain while dieting.. because many people have.

Looking around on eBay and Amazon I was able to find a couple of kits that, while not complete, still have enough of what I need to get by.  Seriously, WW shouldn't have messed with something that was already about as perfect as it gets.  So why do they do this?

From what I read, WW likes now likes to come out with something 'new' and 'improved'... just about every new year.  Now, I have no issues with keeping in line with new research etc., but to simply change something that works just to lure more people in is, imho, a total disservice to customers who are relying on WW being that 'diet' and 'isn't a diet.'  As their new plan stands now... it's difficult, chaotic, and people are finding it extremely frustrating and difficult because it just doesn't fit into everyday life like it once did.  This means standing at a work or holiday function near the carrot and celery sticks while everyone else there feasts on the good stuff.  No really, it's true.

The old WW would have you eating what everyone else is eating, only in moderation and/or using your 'weekly' points.  Why on earth did they change this when they had to know it would be more difficult to fit WW into their lives realistically?  And the worst part is that some say they're simply not losing or losing well on this new plan.

Oh, and don't even get me started on their new web site!  I've never seen such a chaotic mess with missing plugins, missing buttons, and mincemeat navigation.  There's a lot of discussion in the forums regarding how frustrating site navigation is.  It looks like WW went for 'pretty' rather than 'functional,' and it's a shame because members are already frustrated as hell with the new plan.

I have to say that what started as a 'go get 'em, tiger!' attitude turned into my wanting to scream at the top of my lungs in frustration.  Okay, maybe the whole screaming thing was a bit of an exaggeration, but I can say with 100% certainty that WW has gotten on my last nerve.

Ugh.