I See What You Did There.

You're either part of the problem or part of the solution.  Anyone who's been in a relationship knows that if there's dysfunction there's damage.  In my case there's much damage to both my emotional state as well as my physical state.  It's not hard to understand the VAST difference between "Enabling" or "Supporting," and you have to pick a side eventually, right?  So when it comes to choosing which side you're on, use compassion, care, love when making such a choice, because you can easily break someone's will when you're pushing them in the wrong direction with every move or choice you make, with every word uttered, with every action.  At some point you have to ask yourself: "Who's side am I on?"

Let's hope your answer comes from a loving place, otherwise you've just embarked on a journey that could utterly destroy another human being from the inside-out.  Think I'm wrong?  Think again!  Here's how it happens....

Now, while I should be entering this in my blog "This Free Spirit," I'm beginning here.  Why?  Well, as some of you know I created this blog for talking about health and diet-related issues, and this particular entry deals with the emotional side of the success or ultimate failure of health goals when dealing with the lack of a support system and living with someone who is hell-bent on undermining my goals.  I guess I should copy this entry in the other blog as well, because it's incredibly important to know how closely related the issues of health and surroundings are.

Ever had one of 'those' friends who can't stand it when you do something to better yourself, your life, your health, your emotional wellbeing?  I think we all have had those people in our lives, right?  Sometimes it's a friend, other times it's an enemy, and there are times when, sadly, it's a loved one.  We give other people power over us, many times without realizing what we've done.  This is often the case with family, especially with a significant other such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.  The damage inflicted by carelessness, indifference or overt sabotage is mind-blowing, and it's a serious undertaking to get oneself back on track when this happens, and especially if it continues to happen.

As you guys know by now.. I'm on Prednisone, which is KNOWN for massive edema (water weight gain), fat gain and redistribution.  Knowing what to omit or avoid in your diet while on prednisone is key to minimizing it's bad side effects.  Let's visit this for a moment, shall we?  And trust me, I'm going somewhere with this.

What to avoid, limit or omit while taking long-term, high dosages of Prednisone:

Salt.
Sugar.
Junk food.
Refined carbs.
Processed foods.
Fast food.

The list of what to avoid is pretty straight-up and not at all hard to understand when common sense is applied.  So if you're living with someone with dietary restrictions, and dietary restrictions are always due to a matter of great importance.  In my case there are several reasons ranging from avoiding the damaging effects of prednisone to having a heart condition and now high BP.

I've talked to T on many occasions in reference to what I have to do and not do to protect my health, and those talks have been over the better part of TWO YEARS now.  So this is not a new topic by any stretch of the imagination.  And yet he continues to do the things that he shouldn't do, and that is to bring home ALL of the items on the "Avoid" list, and he does so on a regular basis, citing he 'Forgot' or takes the stance that he just somehow just doesn't get this.  He has a 150 IQ, so how is it he  doesn't know or forgets?

Junk food, and TONS of it.  Processed food that now fills the shelves of the pantry.  If he cooks something (and these days he does most of it because I can't stand but for a few seconds, literally) he drowns the food in salt, mayo, or anything and everything that really isn't even remotely required.  And most of the time the food is pre-packaged crap that has little to no nutritional value.  He will literally forego cooking any vegetables, even the frozen kind you can pop in the microwave.  See, this is the part where being "Dangerously dependent" on another human being means risking your life and health.

One of the most horrid places to be in life is at the mercy of another.  It requires a great deal of trust to be at the mercy of someone, and when that someone does everything possible to undermine your health, your goals for better health, it becomes a dangerous, dangerous game.  I want nothing more than to have enough of my health and energy back where I'm SOLELY responsible for preparing my own meals.  The level of stress and anxiety that comes with being at T's mercy is through the roof, thus risking my health even more.  I have no idea what to do about this.

The shelves of the pantry, the inside of the fridge and freezer have mostly junk, processed crap that offers very little nutrition and a LOT of calories.

I talk and talk, I beg and plead, I send him links to read about the effects of eating that stuff to him... links he really just ignores as much as he ignores my text messages.  Who IS this guy??

Why do I bother talking to him?  Why do I bother sharing anything with him?  Why do I bother texting him, sending him emails, etc. when they go completely unnoticed?  He will read for an hour links and such people leave on his FB page, but he has NO clue what's going on with me unless I spoon-feed it to him.  I've grown weary of spoon-feeding him information and holding his hand to walk him through every...single...step of learning anything at all about what I'm dealing with.

Does he know anything about autoimmune hepatitis?  Not really.  What he knows is what I've told him, and I can't hold a seminar for him.  If he's not going to take the time or invest anything into learning, then why should I bother?  I've mostly gotten to a point where I don't--bother that is.

So what's really going on with T?  Well, given his habit of indifference.. there's really no telling if he's just being careless, or hell-bent on sabotage.  I don't believe it's the latter, but the former isn't any prettier nor particularly helpful.

It's time I sign off, complete a couple of other entries in my other blogs and wait for the Lasix to kick-in.  This means camping out in my room so I can be near a bathroom.  Lasix, btw, is a powerful prescription diuretic, so this is going to be fun.  NOT.

Wish me luck....