The Stress Diet.

While highly effective, I wouldn't recommend this diet to anyone.  However, this whole stress/anxiety thing just seems to be an integral part of my daily life now, thanks to T, and I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

Depression isn't a good place to be (duh), and while the lack of appetite side effect SEEMS like a great idea at first, the too-deep calorie deficit WILL catch up to you and wreck your metabolism, especially if you're exercising at all.  No matter that I know how unhealthy this is, I don't know what to do about it.

'Oh, just don't be stressed or anxious!'

Well, that sentiment is pretty sound, but it's certainly not realistic.  Believing you can just turn on/off stress or anxiety is like believing you can turn on/off bad eating habits simply by saying you're going to avoid bad food and overeating.  Damn, but that would be awesome, wouldn't it?  In real life, on planet earth, we don't always get to pick and choose exactly what emotions we can have or discard.  I'm certainly not able to do that, and... I know it's not a healthy choice to even think that you can.

Just my opinion, mind you.  But if you think you can do that then more power to you.  And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

During the past month I've not been able to eat my daily allotment of Points (I'm doing old school Weight Watchers).  Every day I set out to follow the plan to the letter, but the past month I've not been able to eat all the points that I'm supposed to have, even WITH the extra 35 weekly points.  Have I lost a little faster doing this?  Yes and no.  At first I wasn't losing at all, then all of a sudden I'm dropping weight.  On one hand "YAY" and on the other hand.. I'm tired/fatigued as hell.  And my appetite is now heading upwards, with the exception of today (must've been force-fed too much hateful BS from T to leave any room for a meal).

There's a part of me that knows all too well how this will backfire if I don't get a handle on it soon, and oddly enough... my damn morning/fasting blood sugar was 124 this morning.  If I were a full-blown diabetic I'd be rejoicing that number.  But, I'm not a diabetic.  In fact, I'm PRE-diabetic, and those numbers are not a good sign.  They've crept up, those numbers, over the past few weeks, which is hella fast for blood sugar changes.  And there's no rhyme or reason as the amount of carbs etc I eat from one day to the next don't correlate in any pattern that tells me it's what I'm eating.

Fasting blood sugar shows how well the liver is working to take care of things.  Taking blood sugar readings before and after meals show how your body handles food.  As a pre-diabetic the morning fasting levels are elevated, but 2 hour post-meal levels go back to normal when they should.  Again, there are two different mechanisms at work when looking at WHEN blood sugar levels are taken.

Well, anyway... life is in upheaval, and I'm being bashed about by the storm that rages.

But hey, I'm sticking to my diet, so there's that.

Damn I'm sick of things being like this.