Monday, January 11, 2016

Shakeology--a skipped day way too soon

So if you've read my other blogs you know it was a busy day with a rough beginning.  I'm lacking sleep and too tired to get my head on straight.  Hell, that just takes too much energy, and right now I'm in the throes of needing a nap.  It's crazy, but this day is going to continue being busy as the cable guy AND a contractor is coming over to look at a couple of things that need addressing.  I'm afraid at this point T will be the only one dealing with those two visitors, because I'm most likely going to be sacked out when that time comes.

He can handle it.

As for me, I didn't eat breakfast until after my first appointment today.  No Shakeology shake to help infuse the good stuff in a body that needs really needs it, and just a tad overboard with salt today which is at the moment kicking my ass in more ways than I can describe.

I like the way Shakeology tastes, and I love having it for breakfast.  However, today it may just end up being a supplement to the days' intake of nutrition because I don't see having it for dinner.  I'm starting Azathioprine and MUST take it with a large meal or risk the lovely vomiting episodes that ensure shortly after ingesting on an empty, or mostly empty stomach.  No thank you, I don't don't do the vomiting thing if I can help it.  It's a balancing act, really, trying to drink this, take that, eat this or that at particular times and so on and so forth.  I'm sure I'll get used to it--just not today.

It's been a long day so far.  A very, very long day.

C'mon bedtime--you simply can't get her fast enough.

P.S.  Nausea, you can get the hell out of my life now, thank you very much.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Shakeology day 1

What's there to say other than I drank my first shake today, replacing breakfast.  It's a step, and the shake is full of healthy goodies that will do my body good.  I have a coach, since I'm part of the ongoing plan Shakeology has, and I can ask her questions whenever I wish.  That's a good thing, and a definite plus.  I realize my situation isn't the norm, and I'm fighting against the prednisone weight gain, something I'd not gotten past since the last time I was on prednisone (for other reasons).  Being realistic about this means I know I'm doing something good for my body and spirit, even if my opponent (prednisone) is going to ultimately thwart any real weight loss goals at this time.  It's okay, because I'd rather be alive and NOT develop cirrhosis because my body image was more important than my body.

Exercise:  Given that my other opponent is the one I'm living with (T), that is yet another hurdle I have to clear.  One room designated as his study, as well as an exercise room, remains cluttered and not at all useful.  I've done what I personally could do, and the rest is up to him now.  What this means is week after week passing with excuse after excuse becoming the burnt offerings of an indifferent and uncaring individual who refuses to see how utterly important, necessary even, this is for my health and survival.

Today I'm putting my foot down, though.  My health can't wait.  This AI disease is a vengeful bitch, and I'm not about to allow it to take me over.  Exercise, eating right, having a peaceful inner spirit, calmness, all of that has to be in place to fight this.  Right now T is in the way.  Being blunt here, but he is absolutely in the way.

I've done all the footwork with finding a very good exercise bike to have at home.  I know how much space is needed in that office, and I bought a tv and blu-ray player to go in there to help pass the time as I exercise.  The cable is also ready for that tv as well.  And the room sits cluttered with boxes and crap that have yet to even be touched by T... much of it is his own stuff.  His lack of motivation and caring is crippling... to me.  HE is unencumbered by his own indifference, as he allows his own health to fall to the wayside.  I'm not going to do that to myself, and I'm completely done now with putting my own health aside for the happiness of another.  I have done that too long, and to my own detriment.

I'm on my own side now, in my own corner, standing up for myself, my health, my happiness.  If not me, then who?

Exactly.


Friday, January 8, 2016

Saturday

Tomorrow is Saturday, and the day my Shakeology is to arrive.  I have a plan, a fairly well thought out one as plans go, and I'm not mentally preparing to go this alone as no support network actually exists for me.  But the lack of a support system during these endeavors mustn't be the reason I don't try.

It's not like I can't do it on my own, because I can.  It's the motivation factor when things seem difficult or complicated, such is the case when you're taking steroids, that a good support system becomes your saving grace.  I've learned the hard way over the last several years that it's okay to need help, to want support during difficult times, and to not feel guilty about asking for that help.  It's easier now since I don't have those people in my life anymore who made me feel bad for wanting or needing emotional support during difficult times.

Over the course of each day I look for my motivation, signs of life if you will, and accept what it is that I find, and even what I don't find.  There will be bad days, and there will be good days, and every step forward, though painful, is still a step forward.  I can do this.

I.  Can. Do.  This.

My goals sometimes change by the day, and on occasion more than once in a day.  Rolling with the punches means adapting to anything new and finding a way to get right back up again, even if I've been soundly knocked on my ass.  The stressors are still here as well, and I try to overlook, ignore, and otherwise block out those things if I possibly can.

As I sit here and feel the pain return in my back, where my kidneys are, I'm evaluating how much I'll be able to do today.  It's different every day, and I accept that fact as simply my reality as it stands right now.  If I don't listen to my body I will pay the price---you guys have heard me say that a few times and, well, it's the absolute truth.  So what WILL I be able to accomplish today, other than the usual paces I put myself through no matter what?

I wish I had somewhere else to retreat to, somewhere that I can be absolutely free from the pressures here in my immediate environment.  Realistically, the only retreat right now is a set of Bose headphones and music; it's how I block out the world when I've simply had enough.

Yeah... I know I'm rambling and all over the place today.  Today?  Well, it's become 'situation, normal' for me right now, but it's just the way it is.  So be it. I'm going with it because I don't know what else to do.  However, my goal was to unload the chaos and focus on what's to come.  When the Shakeology stuff arrives on Saturday I will be mostly prepared... emotionally anyway.

Did ANY of this make ANY sense whatsoever?

*sigh*


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Health Infusion via Shakeology

Some of you guys remember where this all started--my quest to get my health back.  And if you've been there throughout the journey from cardiac ablations for 3 arrhythmias to the current diagnosis of Autoimmune Hepatitis.. then you know how this has gone and what I've been through over the past few years, especially the last two.  At one point, about a year ago, I decided to add Shakeology to the mix, to replace breakfast and have a good, solid, nutritious start to the day.  That infusion of healthy goodies was a GOOD thing.  Did it fix my issues?  Of course not, because I had no idea I was dealing with AIH at the time.  But it did me some good nonetheless.

I've reinstated myself into the program again, with this time not as a sole source of weight loss, but as an overall step towards better help and feeling good.  I'm wrapping that package up with Weight Watchers--because it's the most realistic WOE that there is.  But I feel pretty good about my decision.

Challenges are there in the form of prednisone side effects, one of the biggest being constant hunger.  I mean, real hunger that doesn't let up, with no satiety really being reached but for a couple of minutes tops.  This is a big one when you're trying to get healthier, lose a few pounds, and get your shit together.  I have to face that monster every single day while on Pred, and it may linger for some time afterwards.  The BIG question is: When is AFTERWARDS?

Afterwards is a huge question looming overhead at the moment.  Some people are on medication (pred, Imuran.. or both) long-term, sometimes indefinitely (though that's mostly the Imuran or other immunosuppressant).  For many the medication stays on-board for about 2 years, in which case another liver biopsy will be performed to confirm remission.  TWO YEARS on prednisone.  TWO!  Even at a low dose of 5mg-10mg the effects on the body, both good and bad, are significant.  So at what time does the prednisone become low enough in the body to allow things to return to normal, or close to normal, and weight loss and good health begin?

If only I had the answer.

The effects of prednisone, btw, can last up to TWO YEARS even when it's completely stopped.  This means low adrenals etc. can still wreak havoc until the body begins to produce cortisol on its own again.  Yay.  Not.

No matter what, this is a necessary evil (Prednisone).  Without it I stand a significant risk of AIH causing such damage as fibrosis--leading to cirrhosis--which at some point the liver becomes mostly non-function and a transplant becomes necessary.  This is, of course, the worst case scenario brought about by leaving the situation untreated.  As you can see, Prednisone really is the necessary evil.

So be it.  Here it is.  My 'new normal.'

I'll be glad when my Shakeology shipment comes in the mail.  Just saying...


Monday, January 4, 2016

I'll settle for breathing today

I'm reaching for my sense of humor like a drowning person with an elusive life-raft floating JUST out of reach.  At least I'm trying, right?  God, but how will I handle taking Prednisone for one to two years?  Guess it will be what it will be and I'll keep on keeping on until I can't, or until I reach that goal.  Shhhhhpththt.  Yeah. Okay.

I'm not going to apologize for my reactions to this drug, but I do hope T gets his shit together and stops being such a pain in the ass.  I'm really not being mean when I say this, because his indifference, etc. has really made life very very hard... for both of us.  BOTH of us.  I can only do so much, take so many deep breaths, cry so much, and wish... just so much.

So many videos, so little time, so very little patience with blundering about trying like crazy to understand and deal with what's happening to me.  It's not ever going to be about my fighting to make others understand---they can, or can't, or will, or won't.  Not up to me.  Not my job.  This is the attitude I HAVE to have to make it through this and come out on the other side with some semblance of sanity left to me.

People need to realize that I don't have the energy or stamina to do research for them. If anyone asks, I tell them the gist of the disease and leave it at that.  Anything more and it just wears me out.  Can't do that.

Just saying.


Saturday, January 2, 2016

Blogging alter egos... a reminder....

I'm posting folks, for those who've reached out.  And the posts are being recorded in the different blogs according to the content, mostly.

http://abusebondsbroken.blogspot.com

The above is just one location where I post.  Content usually changes from blog to blog as I've separated the focus as much as possible.

Complete list below, as well as the menu bar on the side...




I see what you did there, Obama, and I'm not okay with it.



I warn people there's a RANT ahead.  Consider yourself warned, my friends.

No matter where you live in the world, I'm betting you know we're not in full-swing election mode... and the butthurt is strong.  Hey.. it's politics; can't really come out of the other side unscathed, so you have to put your big-girl (or big-boy) panties on and grow thicker skin.  Nature of the beast, my friends.  Nature of the beast.

We choose a side and sometimes change that stance as more information comes to light, GIVEN that the information isn't a steaming pile of political dung.  Media, oh yeah, they're somewhat the great shovelers of said dung, and given THAT... a smart individual will take everything with a grain of salt and seek out the most COMPLETE version of the story.

I support Donald Trump.  I won't apologize or explain my choice, because at this point there's no need.  The man's entire life has been in the public eye nearly ALL of his life from young adulthood and up.  Nothing new to see, nothing new to find, except that it wasn't popular to hate Donald Trump UNTIL he scared the crap out of the establishment and decided to run for the presidency.  Wow, right?  Hate-born of nothing more than a choice to run for office; a by-product of left-wing lunacy.

But my point here isn't to talk about the why I made my choice and am sticking with it 100%.  The point of this entry is to express my complete and utter bewilderment at the hate that spews from people, liberals, who are scared shitless that their free handouts might actually not be free for long, or that they'll somehow be required to do something utterly insane---like WORK for a living.

So the hate spews forth, and instead of focusing on supporting who they WANT to win the nomination for their side, they choose instead to bash the most likely opponent.  Um.  Really?  How does that help exactly?  It doesn't.  In fact, many liberals/democrats have switched sides because they no longer want to be affiliated with what, for every measure, is a chaotically organized hate group.  Sorry, but not sorry.  It's the truth.

What's even worse are is the BS from people who don't even live in this country, are not US citizens, and who have absolutely NO SAY in who we elect.  No offense to anyone who's a non-US citizen who reads this, but we know what's best for our country.  You can't bully or shame us into doing what you want.  It doesn't work that way and never will.

The current administration is a travesty, a fraudulent front of epic proportions.  Obama has all but destroyed our country and has taken GREAT pride in pushing his agenda of diversity.  Every month, sometimes every week, there's yet another BS move planned on his part to do whatever he wants to do without restraint, without listening to what the people want, without batting an eye at the long-term consequences of his wielding of power that he has virtually stolen.  He doesn't have the power he's using---he's TAKING it.

All the establishment talking-heads, all of them flailing about as the money rolls in from super pacs, all of them turning from real boy to pinoccio as the puppeteers pull and tug on the strings, while they dance and flail below the maniacal smile of ownership.  They are owned.  They accept the millions given to them and they're bought and paid for.  It's how it works.  They're loyalties are tied snuggly to those who handed them the goods, and the greed is the cement in which they step, willingly.

Donald Trump can't be bought.  He's self-funded, and he doesn't take any shit from anyone.  Few who hate him know anything about him.  Based on nothing but what they may have read on FB memes, or maybe cut, clipped and distorted comments, they don't bother to read his books, listen to the rally's he's given (can stream them or view them afterwards on youtube).  Based on BS they allow the lies to infest their already hate-filled minds and hearts and... they become blinded, enraged, and out of control.  All sense of order, logical and healthy thought-processes...GONE.  Just like that.

They've drank the blue kool aid willingly.

Most importantly, the hate is rampant in this country.  I don't mean just towards candidates or sides, but people have turned their hate on one another.  Division--brought about my Barrack Obama and his sociopathic ideals, tendencies, and needs.  Even as this country falls into disarray the libs continue their propaganda of hate, intolerance, and even self-loathing.  They can't seem to help themselves.  They just can't seem to stop.

This is the democratic machine in perfect working condition.

People refer to this as a sickness, illness, even lunacy.  Maybe they're right.  And I'm not saying everyone on the right is sane, mind you.  You'll find lunatics in just about every corner and facet of society.  Humans.. what can I say?

So what about this lunacy?  Well, it's barely controlled rage, really, hatred dug in so deep that they're literally blinded by it and fail to see anything even remotely reasonable.  Such as supporting a candidate who's lied her entire career, repeatedly, tried to cover up the truth by destroying evidence (and got caught), and was responsible for the deaths of soldiers (Benghazi).. for starters.  This candidate, Hillary Clinton, IS the so-called "war on women," as she defended her husband, Bill Clinton, when he was accused of raping women, etc.  So much for her fight agains the 'war on women.'

Their other main choice of the libs is Bernie Sanders--and they're supporting him while attempting to call Donald Trump a "Fascist."  Um, well, first of all... I'm embarrassed for them, for starters, because they've NO idea what fascism is.  I can only shake my head at this.  Bernie the socialist, the guy who they like because he promises them money for nothing, promises to give, give, give and claims it will all be.... free.  Free?  There's no such thing as FREE anything!  Someone pays for it, and it's the working class citizens who do.

Free stuff:  Now for the record, let me make one thing perfectly CLEAR: Conservatives have no problem with giving social aid to people who actually NEED it.  I'm not EVEN going to go into the millions of people who literally ride out their entire lives, able to work, but choosing not to in order to get free money, food stamps (EBT), and free medical.  All the while those who are struggling to make ends meet continue to work to pay for those who refuse to work.  NOT okay.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

Donald Trump has spent his entire life giving opportunity to people, including women... who hold most of the highest paid positions in his companies.  His goal is jobs, income, returning the jobs back to the American work force so people can reach for the 'American Dream,' which Obama has spent his time in office trying to completely destroy.

Most of us are pissed off, fed up, and are speaking out.  Many of us have had a change of heart because our eyes were finally opened.  I'm one of those people!  I was raised in a Republican household, but I chose the democrat side early on.  I even voted for Obama THE FIRST TIME because I was utterly stupid.  I can admit how easily I fell for his pack of lies, false promises, and his ability to schmooze people.  I had that glass of kool aid right up to my mouth, too.  Difference between me and most liberals is that I FREAKING WISED UP!  I pay attention, and I'm good at it.  But I was brainwashed into the whole liberal agenda when I was younger and voting age, and it came about mostly because I have a soft heart and hate to see people suffering and in need.  I grew up very very poor, so I understood the struggle and hated it with all I was.  What I failed to understand is that there was another way of thinking, one that put ME in charge and not the government.  Better late than never, here I am in a complete turn around.  I can thank Obama for that one!

I also admit that prior to Obama running I'd become completely disillusioned by politics, politicians, and even the voting process.  I believed that my vote didn't count for anything, and that not a single politician had my best interest at heart.  I didn't see or hear anyone speaking to or for ME.  I didn't vote, and I told people this: "I'm afraid that who I vote for will win."  Says it all, doesn't it?  I didn't trust anymore.

When Obama schmoozed the public with saying and doing ALL the right things, acting in a fashion that people called "Presidential," I began to wake up and pay attention again.  When he spoke of 'change' I erroneously believed him.  He was very well practiced, had superb speech-writers, and I chose to believe that those had to be his own personal words and that he meant them.  I woke up, but I didn't know it was to be in a nightmare that would span 8.. very long years.

The bewilderment set in when the promise of health care looked like a real possibility.  I was sick, very sick, and I eventually was unable to work.  Long story short, "Obamacare" did NOTHING to help me at all.  Ending up in a hospital twice meant my credit cards were maxed to the limit to cover the bills.  Out of work with no savings I struggled to pay them off and, a few years later, I'm almost there.  My health insurance actually came about due to a marriage.  yeah.. Obamacare helps no one really.  I was broke and unemployed, sick and had dangerous heart problems no one could or would help me with.  Obamacare for most people.. is a complete failure.

But we have bigger problems than the Obamacare disaster.

Obama, in his last couple of years in office, has set his sites on dividing and destroying this country, and he's incited the weak-minded people to take up this fight FOR HIM.  He doesn't need to do anything but light the fire under the already smoldering ground...

And he did.  And he continues to do so.

In the background, around the rest of the world, people are clueless as to what's really happening here.  But I know.  We all know.  Those of us in our right minds anyway...

In a full turn-around from a little over two years ago.. I switched parties to Republican/Conservative. I won't be going back.  The poison is now out of my system and I see things for what they really are. Funny thing, too.. a lot of other liberals have switched.  We can at least thank Obama for being stupid enough to open our eyes.

Yes, I know this is a long entry, and for those of you who stuck with it and read... thank you!  It had to be said.  I had to get this off my chest.  I'm tired of the same ole same ole, as many of us are.  We're done with politicians, done with the insane hate from the left, done with the rest of the world bashing us because they think they know what's happening here.

If you do live in another country, beware of the media lies, the deceit, because we DO NOT have unbiased media here in the USA.  It's always been slanted, but over the past couple of years, and especially with this run for presidential nominees... the media has literally been turned into chaotic works of FICTION.

Please, before you decide to hate Americans, or to hate Donald Trump, KNOW that you CANNOT trust the media 99% of the time.  Remember Trump has been in the media eye, the public eye, for nearly ALL of his life, and that it's only been since he decided to run for president that he's become popular to hate... with the left-wingers.

It's a good rule of thumb--- "Hate what you KNOW, NOT what you THINK you know!"

If you've made it to the bottom of this... thank you...