Working against someone else's odds..

It's not ideal, dealing with someone else when you're trying to get your health back, your life right, and to be HAPPY again.  It's unhealthy always giving in to another person's needs, wants, desires, will... especially when it's left you with nothing for yourself at the end of the day.  I've been emptied myself into the last relationship and found I wasn't left with much to thrive on.  In fact, there was no THRIVING but more hanging on to dear life to what I had left of 'me.'  That left me drained and unresponsive to life's stimuli.  It was a whole lot like being dead, and that's not an exaggeration.

You have to leave something for yourself or your health, both physical and emotional, will suffer greatly.  There's so much work I have to do to get my health back on track, and while making the appropriate and critical steps towards that goal I find myself stumbling and tripping and falling down at times over T's wants, needs, indifference, etc.  At the end of the day I'm depressed and struggling to hold onto ANY hope at all that I'll like my life again, to be healthy and happy.

I don't sleep well again.  The whole-body pain is back and it's grown claws and teeth.  My spirit isn't in a slow descent but a stumbling free-fall-and-crash-course that is certainly going to leave something inside me broken unless I can catch myself and find my wings again.

Just get out of my way.

I don't need a miracle.  Or maybe I do.  As always my needs are pretty damn simple and don't cost a single cent.  Respect, love, to maintain my human dignity, to be able to breathe (metaphorically speaking).  Gee, where've we heard this before?

Funny thing is.. I've actually somewhat figured out how to reach my health goals, but it's going to take my doctor's help.  No problem there as I've an appointment to get the ball rolling, and I'm very excited about this first step and what's to follow down this path I've chosen.  I know it's the right path and I know I can succeed.

Just get out of my way!

I have work ahead of me, and a lot.  Just let me get well and be myself, wholly, and I'll be okay.

Just get out of my way.