"The American Dreamer" by Jacob Seales of RSBN. (Trump Theme)

If you watched Trump rallies on RSBN, then you heard "American Dreamer," which was always played when Trump made his entrance. If you called the Trump headquarters to make a donation and was put on hold, you also heard it there. ;) This performance Jacob did for us after the electoral vote completion, and it was, and is.. a song of celebration. Our beloved Jacob is incredibly talented and, well, you have to hear this. You'll also see RSBN's footage of the rallies behind him... including pans of the crowd because, well, you know we were the only ones that would. God bless the Seales family and all they've done and continue to do. Take it away Jacob.....

What part of "At the bottom" don't you get?

The diet, still postponed because there's no food in the house to accommodate a low-carb eating plan. Tonight was supposed to be the night to cook, prepare, etc. for what I will need during the day.  Not going to happen, as T has decided to do some errands after work.  Granted, I know what the errands are and agree they're important.  But damn.  Let's get this show on the road already.

Depression is at my heels constantly, and while it's not exactly like I'm moping around crying about everything, it's disruptive nature has a voracious appetite, is tenacious as hell, and very unlucky to give up easily.  What I'm left with is anxiety and a 'flatness' that is almost worse than any imagined 'sadness' I could be dealing with.

So tonight it's Chinese food.  Could be a lot worse I guess.  But I miss clean eating and would like to get this whole diet thing rolling.  The longer I put it off the more anxious I become.

I despise depression, especially when you know why it's happening and have no way to get a resolution... solution.  So frustrating.

Trying to make it through this evening is pretty much where I'm at right now.  I'm going to be watching a movie, and... hopefully I'll be sleepy by the time it's over.  Oddly, "Sleepy" these days don't guarantee sleep.  Funny how that works.  Oh well.

It is what it is.

Why?

Going off the diet over the holiday weekend gave me both severe pain---and insight.  I've decided to try low carbing again to see if maybe that would have an effect on my blood sugar, lowering it at least some.  As for the pain part, it's bad, real bad.  Indigestion that is absolutely horrible, and the right upper quadrant pain with referred pain through to my back is almost unbearable.  Nothing helps.  Nothing at all.  But tomorrow.... everything will change with my eating, and I will hopefully be back on the right track with my stomach and gut issues.

Ugh.  Yeah, holiday meals are great, but what the hell was I thinking?  I should've known better.

Life.

Better late than never. Right? Right.

So, this one should've been posted a few days back or so.  Chaos... what can I say?

Diet & Holidays.

Yeah, like this one really needs explaining.  It's been asked of me... "HOW can you diet during the holidays?"  I have no answer, to be honest.  When it's time, your mind and body knows, and for me.. it was time.  It IS time.  Though I've been less focused in these last few days before Christmas.  Some of it is the depression rearing its ugly head, but it's also just a choice.  It's okay.  I've not given up.

My struggle with "To diet or not to diet" in the middle of the holidays is based on a few things, including (but not limited to) the lack of a support network.  During the days when the "Why bother?" thing sets in I'm least likely to stand firm in my resolve where health etc is concerned.  For all practical purposes I fall straight into the emotional survival mode that prevents me from just walking into the bedroom, crawling into bed and staying there.  Hey, I'm not going to sugarcoat this, because it is a rather serious matter.

I'm allowing myself wiggle room, forgiveness, and loosening the too-tight grip I have on the desire to force myself to stay the course.  Without some slack during the holidays it feels a lot light tying my own hands.  T isn't helping in this respect, so I have to help myself.  And this seems the best way to do that---cut myself some slack and just try to enjoy whatever this is.  Look, honestly, the holidays haven't felt like holidays in years.  Just a fact.

So here's to just going easier on myself.

When the shift happens.

Your whole world opens up.

The American Dreamer by Jacob Seales of Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN)

Written specifically for Donald J. Trump, our now President Elect. :)